Frozen...

This particular long weekend gave me a chance to look into my stuff (and clean some of them…) and sort some of them. I started with my scanner. It has been more than two months since I have it but I did not have enough time to really check on it. Well, the weekend gave me enough time to tinker on things and tadannn…I made it work… (tamad lang pala ako!)…

So, I scanned and scanned and scanned.

I found old photos (and notes)… and I decided to write something about the stuff I scanned… :)

Since I am not the type of person who would call on to friends and imprisoned them by unloading some “strong” (and unhappy) emotions  just to free me of my psychological and emotional turmoil/aches, I would not bug my friends about it (not on a regular basis to the point of  making my friends puke) instead, I would write stuff. I would e-mail friends or family or I would even blog about it. Back in 2003, the year when Janjan died, my friends have been so supportive and they made their presence pretty felt. I remember, G-an making a poem, and both G-an and Viney bought me that Meteor Garden original soundtrack just to cheer me up (hehe, they bought the CD while I was still in Mindanao). Going back, I seldom talk to family members about my feelings because I hate it when I see them cry because it makes me feel helpless. Hmmm… what’s my point? Well, I found pieces of some stuff I wrote in some pages of my notebook, and saw 4 pages… and 2 of them are these pages… I wrote these stuff around July or August 2003.

 

Sorry for the ahmmm… grammar… and aha (I think, there have been codes behind them…). Wala lang! Hanap pa ako ng notebooks ko! :) I just have to thank the pages of my notebooks for they served as the best listeners and witnesses of my emotions. I mean, beyond human capacity of listening and understanding and ahmmm taking in energy from other people, these non-interactive and non-reactive media have pretty well served their purpose on earth…

 

And because of the pages of a notebook, I can still (atleast) remember how my brother’s handwriting looks like. Well, the notebook may not have the characteristics of Tom Riddle’s diary but atleast I can still somehow feel that at some point, Janjan’s handwriting has been preserved… :) I am posting the scanned copy now, so that I can have virtual memory of Janjan’s handwriting…

Scanned photos naman… I never really scanned photos of us during Janjan’s wake nor burial… But now I decided to scan one photo of us at the church… I never did that before because I still want to tell the world that I still have 3 brothers and it just happened that Janjan is in heaven… pero, I don’t know if my psychological explanation to, pero now I am posting one photos of us during the saddest moment in our family life… because for me to understand life, I have to accept that we went through this phase…